The Five People You Meet in a Kilt

The Five People You Meet in a Kilt.

I’m seldom a fan of putting people into categories.  I find reducing people to a set of stereotypes to be dehumanizing and often trite. It must be noted that we are more than a set of labels and identities. Besides, we’ve all fallen into, or been mistaken for one or more  of these at one point or another. I like to think we’re all individuals but there some definite types.

1. The Olde Scots Guard.
Who are they?
Well to start with, myself, I guess. At the very least my Dad.

Where do you find them?
St. Andrew’s Society. Bagpipe Bands, Highland Games. Clan Societies

Notable Quotes:
“Well that’s not how Jimmy MacIntosh did it!”

2. The LORDES of Scotland:
Who are they?
They’re the people who want to be confused with the Olde Scots Guard, and some of them may even be. I’ll be blunt about this one. Screw these people. They’re the kilted equivalent of that guy in the comic book store who tells you just how much more of a nerd he is than you are, and will shame you for not being a real fan when he discovers you don’t know who Wally West is. I’d take these a grain of salt, but slightly more often than not, their modeus operandi is to just make stuff up. I’m sorry, that’s too polite. They lie. At best they exaggerate, or at the very least brag about things that really aren’t that impressive. As you can probably tell, I have very little patience for most of them.

Where do you find them?
You don’t. They’ll find you, and they will talk to you at great length. They’re at ren fests, highland games, and conventions. I’ve met them on street corners. They might show up random places in period and expect it to be perfectly normal.

Notable Quotes?
“I’m Scottish. I was actually born in Scotland. I’m heir to the Scottish throne. You know in Scotland they wear their leather kilts everyday. Tartan was for {mystical overtones} Gatherings.”

3. The Life Stylers
Who are they?
You’re probably already acquainted with this crowd. You may even be in the particular unbifurcated tribe.  You may have heard tale of these people who tried on a kilt and decided that pants just weren’t for them. They took the plunge and went kilted 24/7, which is silly because I yet to find a kilt that you can reasonably in. No matter. All kilted. All the time.
I’ve known a few of these people. I even like most of them. They tend to run the gament between “decent fellow who does his thing” to “complete douche nozzle who decided to wear a kilt because he couldn’t otherwise talk to women or otherwise have a personality.” I’ve  found it’s a good practice to assume the former rather than the latter. (That’s the first thing for you non-English Majors.) I’ve noticed they tend to favor non-traditional kilts at least a little and that’s okay, for them, I guess.

Where do you Find them?
Literally anywhere. I saw a guy at the airport in Kansas City to Atlanta. I probably I knew him, but never asked.

Notable Quotes
“Hi, my name is Kevin.”

4. The Society of Kilted Anachronists.
Who are they?
Oh you know.. Those guys who do that thing.... with the sticks, in armor.  There’s a bunch or reenactment or “living history" groups around the country. The most notable is the Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA. They refer to themselves as Scadians because they like being clever. Also, it’s easier to say. They pride themselves on historical accuracy and sometimes they aren’t wrong. (There’s a reenactment group that has several members I love dearly, but insist they’re recreating Scottish clan of the 13th Century. I’ll let you do your own looking about to find out what’s wrong with that.) You might occasionally mistake them for the LORDES of Scotland, and that’s mores the pity. They make good mead.

Where do you find them?
SCA Events, Highland Games, Conventions, Ren fests.

Notable Quotes:
“Far be it from me...”

5. The Kilt Punk,
Who are they?
That guy in a kilt at the punk show. I thought that was obvious? They’re occasionally mistaken for the Life Stylers and they might even be. This particular breed of kiltie is mostly concerned with the music, the Paddy Punk scene etc. Much to their chagrin they will eventually become the Olde Scots Guard and become the old man at the bar drinking his stout, whether they like it or not.

Where do you find them?
Shows. Also all the usual places where kilties roam. As if this wasn’t obvious from the name.

Notable Quote:
“Dude! Flogging Molly is town.” or something.